I know it’s March 11, ten days past the March 1 deadline, but here we are! I’ve been slipping recently when it comes to sending this newsletter out on time.
I’ve been slipping recently, feeling that I’m not sure it’s any good or worth it. But! I’m trying not to be punitive around my sense of perfection. Just do the thing. Do it! Even if it’s not at the perfect time or in the perfect way!
I have always taken action and direction from intuition. When my anxiety is UP, depression is BUBBLING, and self-esteem is LOW, my intuition is SCRAMBLED. I’m frozen.
Who am I if I can’t follow my heart/head/chest? I’m not sure! But but but! I will go forward anyway. I will practice taking action. I will try to put aside the stifling apprehension of perfection. Because sometimes it amounts to something, and sometimes it amounts to crap. But it’s okay, it really is!
HOT – Refilling the water filter so your future thirsty self is satisfied and hydrated. Hot chocolate! Butt Dumplings. Doechii: Tiny Desk Concert.
NOT – The color combo: bubble gum pink and lime green. When you held the door for someone but, they were a bit too far away. Wild One Dog Harness. Botanical gin in a dirty martini.
As much as I love reading, I often fail to get into a consistent enough rhythm. I find that my book list never gets any shorter. It's unoriginal but still annoying. Below are eight books I want to read on my list that I am afraid I will never get to. Let me know if you recommend one of them or if you have tips for how to trick yourself into being a voracious reader.
Slow Days, Fast Company by Eve Babitz
Big Swiss by Jen Beagin
Ejaculate Responsibly by Gabrielle Stanley Blair
How to Fuck Like a Girl by Vera Blossom
Eve by Cat Bohannon
Perfume and Pain by Anna Dorn
Big Fan by Alexandra Romanoff
Alien Daughters Walk Into the Sun by Jackie Wang
Last month, I offered a chart my therapist and I use to understand my natural stress response (hyperarousal versus hypoarousal). This month, I offer another!
Below is a flow chart that my therapist shared with me, outlining the cycle of low self-esteem. I revamped it in Canva.
I like this chart because it oversimplifies the process and helps me think about low self-esteem in a different way. It gives me perspective and allows me to intellectualize an emotion that can feel chaotic and all-consuming. It results in a healthy distance from the big, bad feeling.
It’s not a solution to my low self-esteem, but I have found it very helpful.
Unfortunately, the Wild One Harness does not work on Jolene’s unique body. It slips right off, even when tightened in all the right spots! It also makes her look like she’s part of some special ops team.