Hit the big time
A much anticipated interview and some feelings
Below is a transcript of an interview I had with myself. The conversation took place on December 1, 2022, after the sun went down. I sat on the couch, having just taken a bath. I was in my towel. The bath had been too hot.
Question: How are you feeling?
Answer: I'm feeling damp and heavy, and I'm feeling full and salty. I just drank half a glass of water, and I can feel it revitalizing me. I have been stressed about writing this newsletter and concerned about the balance of vulnerability. I am feeling very reflective and very aware of the slope into the new year, and I am feeling a little tired.
Q: What have you been up to?
A: Oh! I took a dance class recently for the first time in a few years, and it felt familiar, scary, fun, and new. While in the class, someone asked me why I finally made it back to class, and I said it was for mental health but because I also missed the community and how dancers are. I finished a marketing class called "Marketing for Weirdos," which really helped me feel better about marketing and think critically about capitalism. I joined a book club and am reading. I am reading! I increased a medication and am considering un-increasing it but am looking into alternatives. This generally means I'm thinking about and caring for my mental health. And I watered my plants.
Q: How is your family?
A: Yeah, my family, Zach and Joe, are good. Zach is training for the Los Angeles marathon and baking good bread. Jolene is actually okay. She's been very sensitive, literally, to the touch. Sometimes she makes this little scream when she is picked up. I think it's because of her tiny little joints. I'm figuring it out.
Q: How do you feel about your future?
A: Cautiously optimistic is the first thing that came to mind.
Q & A: I don't have any more to say.
Imagine this is where the conversation took place:
This blog post and the comment section made me sad and open. I made this soup twice this month. If you like playing with color palettes, may I present this fun tool. Reading about and practicing how to do nothing. My day three hair looks a little better. Sage as an expensive candle is very nice. It makes sense. A quiz to see what your "home style" is.
Things that make me feel very human.
How garlic clings to my fingers for days after smooshing it and chopping it up. The next day I will bring my fingers to my nose, and they will have a slight tang of garlic.
Making my friends laugh.
My relationship with the dark. I was scared of the dark up until 2012. After that, something shifted, and now we have a pretty good thing going. Although it definitely holds the power.
I repeat stories and am told that I am repeating myself. It makes me feel bruised and boring. But, I would rather someone tell me I am repeating myself than drag them through a story or memory we have already visited together.
Breathing: Breathing deep, centering breaths, purposefully moving my chest when I breathe, building heat by breathing through my nose, and watching my breath against the air.
When I make a hot beverage and forget to drink it.
Do you have any recommendations for me? It could be anything. Books, songs, TV shows, hikes, dance classes, workouts, writing exercises, recipes, therapeutic advice, a good place to buy jeans, literally anything.
Photo: Amber Maalouf